Thursday, May 11, 2006

Noting

I notice that I love salads, but it takes great effort for me to make and eat a salad versus fast food. I love walking, but it takes a great act of will for me to push myself out the door into the walk, vs. play on the computer, and the same is true for meditation. I see that my motivation level has been low lately. I also notice that I meditate more often when I'm going through a tumultuous (unpleasant emotional) experience, and I don't feel a need to meditate when things are going along steadily and evenly, without many mishaps. I see that, tho I am not actually sitting and meditating morning and night, I do return to the breath throughout the day, at different moments when I want to focus my attention on the task at hand. Especially during my walks, I concentrate my attention on sounds and smells, notating specifically which sounds or smells are unpleasant, pleasant or neutral. It's rather amusing to me to watch how the mind recoils from unpleasantness, and how mind gets attracted to an object out of curiousity, and from the attachment of curiosity the mind loves to begin dissecting and analyzing the object. I also return to the breath when I am experiencing pain. I watch the sensation "pain", noting "sharp" or "radiating", then return to breath, then back to the sensation as it arises, then noting when it seems to disappear, then watching as "pain" arises again... all experience arising and passing each moment in mind. Some experience is pleasant, some unpleasant. All experience thoughts in mind. Even my lack of motivation is just passing thoughts in this moment.

1 Comments:

Blogger DariaMcBee said...

another quickie observation: i have noticed recently how i begin a task like maybe yoga, or shopping, washing dishes... at the outset i watch how my mind immediately assigns the label of "unpleasant" to the task and thus begins to "abbreviate" the experience.

In yoga, i'll start thinking of which poses (asanas) i'll do to make the session shorter (I'll pick my preferred poses of course, and drop off the boring ones, ha). In shopping, I'll go to a closer store, vs. the cheaper, big mecca store, so I'll have more time to do fun stuff like write on here. In doing dishes, I'll pop them in the dishwasher and skip sweeping the floor and wiping down the countertops.

What this all means is I have just abbreviated my experience in life. I am NOT living totally present in each moment, whether it is pleasant or unpleasant. For me, this is what meditation is helping me do, live each moment fully. I am breathing in each second of life, good and bad -- watching aversion to experience and feeling the feelings it brings up -- being inside of exultation, feeling my heart swell with the fullness of joy...

I no longer want to abbreviate the moments of my life. I choose to live each moment fully from this moment on.

5/22/2006 9:30 AM  

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