Spaciousness
The latest session began with yoga. I then went directly to meditation. I notated my breath coming in and going out. There was a shallow (almost like an impatient) in breath - deep out breath and a long "no breath". Then a nose whistle. Irritation. Blocked. Limitation. Pain in neck area. Irritation. Pressing down. Tight. Clamped. Anger. Desire for things to be otherwise.
I then noted "Hearing". I watched each sound as it arose: Clock. Ringing ears. Lawn mower. Stomach gurgle. Clock. Music. I then saw that hearing is constant, always happening, but it is only attention that singles out particular sounds. My attention usually is snared by pleasant sounds, and trapped by unpleasant sounds. In this med. I noticed that there were sounds in between that don't usually catch my attention like the ringing ears and stomach gurgle. What was illuminating for me is that hearing is happening all the time, but we only notice certain sounds according to our preferences or aversions. I haven't gone so far as to apply this to the other senses, yet. But as I am writing it, I can see that the same is probably true for the other senses, as well, like taste -- always happening, but only noticed when the taste is good or not good.
Then I noted my intention for meditating. At first, it looked like my intention was to escape from irritating life events. I looked closer and I saw that my intention is actually a motivation to get to the space below thought. As I continue to breath in and out, I see clearly there is a spaciousness here in the meditation that is not in my waking life -- the life I perceive through my senses. This space I come to is vast and unlimited, and when I come here, there is no fear, no lack, nothing pressing down on me - just an open sky, so to speak, or a clean sheet of paper. Everything is here, but in the beginning it seems like there is nothing here but darkness. Whole worlds are here in this space. And whole worlds are out there in my waking life, too, as soon as I unclutter all those thoughts that pollute the space of my still mind.
I know that I've read something that Buddhists say about taking refuge in the Dharma (or maybe it's taking refuge in the Sangha.) From my interpretation, they are taking refuge in 3 things: the Buddha, the Dharma and the Sangha. They turn to the Buddha to help them maintain their earnestness to stay on the path of meditation. Dharma is a word that represents the law of the way things are, or also cause and effect, karma, what you sow you will reap. The Sangha are all those folks, past and present, who have followed the path of meditation - a huge support group, if you will. For me, my refuge is in the 3 jewels above, and also this open space where there is nothing and everything at once.
I hope to find refuge here in this blog, one day as well, when other folks come in and share their illuminations. As I write that last line, I see this judgmental and restricting thought come up that says, it is inappropriate to hope to share meditation insights with others. I don't know what that is. It is only a thought, I guess. I will watch it pass by then... another thought thinking itself, arising, passing, gone.
That's all for now...
I then noted "Hearing". I watched each sound as it arose: Clock. Ringing ears. Lawn mower. Stomach gurgle. Clock. Music. I then saw that hearing is constant, always happening, but it is only attention that singles out particular sounds. My attention usually is snared by pleasant sounds, and trapped by unpleasant sounds. In this med. I noticed that there were sounds in between that don't usually catch my attention like the ringing ears and stomach gurgle. What was illuminating for me is that hearing is happening all the time, but we only notice certain sounds according to our preferences or aversions. I haven't gone so far as to apply this to the other senses, yet. But as I am writing it, I can see that the same is probably true for the other senses, as well, like taste -- always happening, but only noticed when the taste is good or not good.
Then I noted my intention for meditating. At first, it looked like my intention was to escape from irritating life events. I looked closer and I saw that my intention is actually a motivation to get to the space below thought. As I continue to breath in and out, I see clearly there is a spaciousness here in the meditation that is not in my waking life -- the life I perceive through my senses. This space I come to is vast and unlimited, and when I come here, there is no fear, no lack, nothing pressing down on me - just an open sky, so to speak, or a clean sheet of paper. Everything is here, but in the beginning it seems like there is nothing here but darkness. Whole worlds are here in this space. And whole worlds are out there in my waking life, too, as soon as I unclutter all those thoughts that pollute the space of my still mind.
I know that I've read something that Buddhists say about taking refuge in the Dharma (or maybe it's taking refuge in the Sangha.) From my interpretation, they are taking refuge in 3 things: the Buddha, the Dharma and the Sangha. They turn to the Buddha to help them maintain their earnestness to stay on the path of meditation. Dharma is a word that represents the law of the way things are, or also cause and effect, karma, what you sow you will reap. The Sangha are all those folks, past and present, who have followed the path of meditation - a huge support group, if you will. For me, my refuge is in the 3 jewels above, and also this open space where there is nothing and everything at once.
I hope to find refuge here in this blog, one day as well, when other folks come in and share their illuminations. As I write that last line, I see this judgmental and restricting thought come up that says, it is inappropriate to hope to share meditation insights with others. I don't know what that is. It is only a thought, I guess. I will watch it pass by then... another thought thinking itself, arising, passing, gone.
That's all for now...
